Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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