I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I AM VODKA MAN
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
