I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
