You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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