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Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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