My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
