Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize