Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
