Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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