Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There's always time for handjobs
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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