Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
