well most of my day revolves around power hour
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
