I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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