theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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