She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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