Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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