put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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