I just made out with a guy for $7.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
