shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
