she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
my liver is dry heaving
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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