When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize