Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Life is so much better after having sex.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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