Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
