My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
