Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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