how can u be prego again
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Im part way to drunk.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
