You really coming over, don't trick.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
