The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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