You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
