I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
