I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
