What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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