Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
