i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
