im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
