Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My pussy is not your playground.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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