your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
