All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i think i have two assholes
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
