i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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