We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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