So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize