I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
