I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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