After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
