Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
