you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
