Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
