weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
