I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
