gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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