he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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