He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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