you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
