i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
