I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
