My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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