No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
