This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Four minutes until I can fart!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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