Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
