i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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