Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
