I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
