It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
