it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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