I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
