After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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