So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
home. puking in laundry basket.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
