a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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