Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
