did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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