Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
