you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
