You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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