So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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