I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Do you still have your period?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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