When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My feet surprised me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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