R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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