So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
