It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
