I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
