god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
id be glad to
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
