he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Houston, we have a blender
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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