Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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