what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Someone came in the potted fern
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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