Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
