I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
