Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize