Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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