remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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