their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
