i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
