I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
