Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
