I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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